In your interactions with other human beings, you are afraid of rejection. You now find yourself at an impasse between yourself and one who needs your love, because fear of rejection is at work on both sides. You must make the first move, and follow it with a second move, and another, and another. Acts of love; intentional, confident, calm. The Lord will help you.
You say that your spontaneity has been crushed by the negative words and actions of others; then do not be manipulated by other peoples’ reactions. Dance to the music the Lord has placed within your heart and mind, and trust that initial responses may not be accurate indicators of heart responses.
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