Grief

Don’t exchange past joy for current grief; keep the precious memories and release the sorrow.  Blessings that were real in the past lose none of their reality in the one eternal God who is above time and space, so dwell in Him; abide in His reality.  He will keep you grounded to Himself and to no other version of truth; you can trust His perceptions because He is God. Share His point of view.  Remember that love makes the transition from time to eternity; love remains (1 Corinthians 13:13).  In God you are safe, and all that was of Him in the past still is, and all that is of Him in your present will always be.  

"For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. 13 So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." -- 1 Corinthians 13:12-13

Suffering

You have not exaggerated your loved ones' difficulties or your own.  The only error you make is one of reasoning; you believe that such challenges are unusual, possible to avoid if different people or circumstances were involved.  Sorrow is not unusual and is impossible to avoid.

However, your need isn't less urgent simply because it stems from common sufferings.

One of the strategies Satan utilizes is that of portraying your pain as inconsequential because so many other people endure the same challenge.  This provides false comfort and a dismissive attitude toward suffering, neither of which are of the Lord. 

A refusal to trivialize that which should not be trivialized is a facet of the spiritual gift of discernment.  Apart from discernment, you label suffering with tags that trivialize its impact and encourages escapism. People who idolize escapism do not want to talk about suffering in any way that allows it the true sculpting and honing power God intends.  They don’t mind turning it into an experience they can use to impress others in order to elevate their own status, but to acknowledge the reality of pain opens the terrifying possibility that it may recur. And so they trivialize it so far as the suffering goes and magnify it in an almost humorous way as an attention drawing experience.

Very few people have courage to speak the truth about suffering.  If you choose to be one of those few, you will be invaluable as an intercessor and a friend. 

***

"Dear ones, don’t be surprised when you experience your trial by fire. It is not something strange and unusual..." 

1 Peter 4:12  The Voice

On Heaven

Do not draw your solace from other human beings, but from the Lord.  The Holy Spirit’s nurture will fill the emptiness in your heart. 

In Heaven you will not need love from your fellow saints, but you will delight in it.  In Heaven all of your heart’s needs are met by oneness with the Savior, and your delight in your brethren is that of kindred spirits in love with and loved by the same God.  

Participate in Heaven now by laying your heart’s needs at the foot of God's throne, then bide until your emptiness is filled.  Yes, bide at the foot of the throne; you will meet your Savior there, you will find your salvation; you will have no unmet need because you are one with Him, and He is complete.  You don’t share in His completeness so much as you become a part of it (so that it is yours, as a puzzle piece belongs to the whole). 

The Importance of Emotion

Don't ignore your emotions toward God, or hide them, or say, "I know my emotions aren't important, I will praise God from what my mind knows rather than from what my heart feels."   Emotion fuels praise.  When you feel disappointed or angry with God, bring your heart in line with what your mind knows to be truth. Faith resides in the mind, but love has its roots in the heart. 

Do not allow a disconnect between your heart and your mind.  This results in a jaded, senseless resentment toward the Most High based on facts your mind can comprehend,  and ignores the truth your heart can sense.  In short, you become worldly, cynical, sarcastic: unrecognizable as a child of God, indistinguishable from those who do not know Him at all. 

Partake of the Savior

Surely he hath borne our griefs

and carried our sorrows…(Isaiah 53:4 KJV)

There you have it.  You are not Christ.  You are the partaker not the Provider, the child, not the adult; the Lord asks you to feed upon Him, not to apportion yourself out to others so they can feed upon you.  In ministry those who are very young in the faith may be nourished by His presence in you; but that is a very different thing from offering your body a living sacrifice to them (as they will desire you to do…you must direct them to the Lord rather than attempting to save them yourself).  Your sacrifice is exclusively His.  Lay down your life to the LORD, not to other human beings.  Being “nice” does not get you to Heaven.  Being liked or loved by human beings is not the way to where He is.  Partaking of the Savior, not becoming a savior yourself is the way to peace. 

Love the Hurtful Child

As a teacher, mentor, or parent, guard your heart. You fear your child's resentment, but the Lord protects you from this natural response in the heart of one who receives correction. Over time, this sort of resentment mellows into respect; it is a surface emotion that, when both parties cry out to the Lord, does not poison the heart. 

The channel that is less protected is resentment that would flow from parent to child. It is natural for a child to resent the adult who administers discipline, this is why the Lord's protection must be in place (as it is for a praying parent).  But when Satan succeeds in forming resentment in a parent's heart toward the child, this is a more difficult challenge.  

Love steadfastly, love as God has loved you through Christ Jesus, and learn to take a blow to the heart while yet remaining steadfast in love. Love cannot fail, but loyalty can, and the tendency to relate to one another by some other rule than love can be encouraged. Recognize these strategies of the enemy and resist him.  Though God may discipline He does not ridicule or shame.  He never says "I'll be nice to you if you will be nice to Me." He says this instead:  "I will be patient and kind regardless of  your behavior. I will not dishonor you even when you dishonor Me. I will always protect and will not give up on you" (see 1 Corinthians 13).  

Relate to your child by the loyal rule of love that covers a multitude of sins.   

Scripture: 

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins" (1 Peter 4:7-9).

"…As I have loved you, so you must love one another…" (John 13:34). 

"All my fountains of joy are in you" (Psalm 87:7, the voice).  

Friend, Parent, God

Note:  This word came as I prayed over a particularly grisly section of the Old Testament, one that spoke of how King David dealt with his enemies:

Even the little child of a ruthless dictator is safe beneath her father’s hand, and how much more so a child of the Lord.  For this is what causes concern; you desire signs that the Lord is kind to His enemies because you are not always confident you are His friend.  But you are His friend, more than that, you are His child.  The Almighty God is a terrible enemy, but He is the best parent and advocate in the universe.  He is your friend, your parent, and your God.  You are blessed.